For many families, hair hygiene is just another part of the daily routine. But for children with autism, ADHD , or both- especially young girls-it can be a deeply distressing experience. I have experienced this with both of my children. The sound of the water running, the feel of the shampoo on the scalp, or the sensation of a hairbrush tugging through knots can trigger intense sensory discomfort. These children aren’t being “difficult” or “dramatic” -they’re having genuine sensory responses that their brains perceive as overwhelming or even painful.

In young girls, long hair can add to the challenge. Detangling, styling, and frequent washing all become battles that can feel exhausting for both child and caregiver. Sensory sensitivities can make seemingly small actions-like tipping the head back to rinse or enduring the noise of a blow dryer-feel insurmountable. In my household we go through this a lot. It’s not fun for them or me. There have been cries, screams, or complete shutdowns during these moments. My son used to do the same when he was younger and had longer hair. Hair routine is still a harder task for him than his peers but he is making progress. It’s important for parents to understand that this is not misbehavior but a cry for comfort and regulation.

April is Autism Awareness Month, a time to educate, advocate, and most importantly-embrace acceptance. Awareness is the first step, but acceptance goes further. It means recognizing that neurodivergent kids experience the world differently, and that includes daily hygiene routines. Instead of judging or pressuring them to conform, inclusion looks like finding creative, compassionate alternatives-like using detangling sprays, offering fidget toys during brushing, using the iPad during styling, or even a haircut that makes hair easier to manage.

As we honor Autism Awareness Month, let’s shift from expecting children to adapt to the world, and instead make the world more adaptable for them. Hair hygiene may seem like a small detail, but for many children and their families , it’s a big part of the journey. I was reminded of that this past week-my 4-year old daughter cried, screamed, avoided and even threw things as we tried to get through brushing and styling her hair. It was an overwhelming experience for both of us. But moments like these aren’t just hard-they’re a call for deeper compassion, softer approaches , and a reminder that inclusion starts at home. Through patience, understanding, and sensory-friendly strategies, we can create a more inclusive environment where every child feels seen, supported, and safe-right down to the styling of their hair. It may take longer to get to the end result but once we do they love how they look!