Having a child comes with many dreams. You may dream about the days when you’ll be able to take your little one to the park. You think about them playing in the sandbox, going down the slide, and playing with other children. You think about watching your child gain newly acquired skills on the play structure. You dream of the hours of squealing in delight. You don’t think the park is always going to bring a sense of anxiety for you.

As much as the park brings joy to your child, it brings that much anxiety and stress to you. Having a special needs child means you’re always in protective and advocating mode. When other people can’t readily see your child’s disability you are always watching to see how they interact with them. You are always listening to make sure kind words are being spoken and kind hands are being used. Yes, of course any parent does this but having a child with autism heightens this vigilance.

When your child is autistic they may not pick up on social cues. They may not understand when people are in fact making fun of them. They may not understand why the game abruptly ends. As a special needs mom I have seen all of this and then some. It breaks my heart. I have had to step in many a time and explain to the children that my child is autistic and he may not be as good as they are at a particular game or sport but he can learn. I have told them to have patience and kindness.

Most times they are apologetic when I tell them that he has autism and they should be kind to everyone. There are the times that the children or their parents want to hold fast to being rude and insensitive and that’s when the momma bear has to make an appearance. If your child is being mean and teasing, own it and apologize. Teach them that there are a lot of children with autism. Explain what it is and how that might show up at the park.

Schools spend zero time teaching neurotypical students how to interact with neurodivergent students. Neurodivergent students spend hours being taught how to interact with their neurotypical peers. Sixty percent of autistic children are reported to experiencing bullying in school. That is outrageous! That means the schools and parents need to do a better job of teaching awareness, acceptance, and inclusion.

As a mom of a child with a hidden disability it is so hard to see people misunderstand him. Things we do not understand we mistreat. Things we undervalue we abuse. They have not idea how amazing that little boy is and its their loss. He is funny, smart and can easily pick up most things. If they would give him a fair chance they might just meet a new friend. A new authentic friend.

Our latest trip to the park was met with two incidences. The first was with 2 girls that let him join them but proceeded to make fun of him for not being as good as they were at volleying a ball. They kept laughing at him when he turned his back. I watched for quite some time. The final straw was when one made the loser sign because he missed the ball. Of course she denied it and her parent stuck up for her. My eyes can see and my ears can hear. I know what was happening. You can’t gaslight me.

The second instance came when a little boy that heard me say he was spoke to him as if he wasn’t very intelligent. He spoke to him like he was a toddler. He was a bit too exuberant with the “praise” of my son dribbling the basketball and making a basket. When a person says their child is on the spectrum it isn’t meant to be met with condescension. Please don’t speak to our children like they are babies unless they are in fact babies.

Neither instance sat well with me and there have been many a day that this and worse has happened. We have left parks abruptly. I have avoided going the park altogether. I went as far as building a playroom at the house so we don’t have to go to the park. When we do venture out, I try to go during the hours that children are most likely at school or have already gone home for the evening. I do not look forward to school breaks because that means we have to share the park and things may go left.

As we get ready to enter Autism Awareness Month in April, please take time to think about how you and your children show up in the world. Please consider if you have taught your children about autism and other forms of neurodiversity. Think about if your children are being kind and patient. Think about if you are an advocate and ally or if you are part of the problem. Now is the time to become an advocate with the numbers of autism rising. Autism is probably closer to you than you think.

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“Josiah’s Ausome Adventures: My Autism” and “Josiah and Naiyah’s World: Sensory Processing Disorder” may be purchased on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and anywhere you purchase books online. “Josiah’s Ausome Adventures: ADHD & Me” is coming soon!